In China, I Would Be King

As a person of stature (6'5"), I've always felt there was an advantage to being tall. It's nice to be able to look out over crowds with ease, and I've always had a ready comeback to the frequent comment "did you play basketball?" My reply: "No, were you a jockey?".

My other favorite: "How's the weather up there?" At that point, you spit on their head and say "looks like rain".

Apparently height is all the rage in China and is inspiring all sorts of dramatic attempts to aid the stature-impaired (h/t Drudge):

Competition for jobs and marriage partners has sparked a national height craze in China that has people lining up to be surgically stretched or to purchase torture rack-like stretching machines, according to a Local 6 News report.

A senior executive at one of China's largest job-search Internet sites admits that it's a commonly-held belief that "taller people will have more opportunity for promotion."

In recent months, advertisements on Chinese television are regularly promoting "stretching machines," which look like benches reminiscent of the medieval torture rack.

Users are supposed to strap themselves in by head and foot and turn a crank to extend the bench beneath them.

A voice-over on one of the TV advertisements claims that the "body stretch and exercise machine" can stretch human cartilage and "boost young people's height."

Didn't they try that during the Inquisition? How did it work out for those folks?

It gets worse:

Also, a private hospital in Beijing has become famous for its height-extending practice which puts patients out of action for six months or more.

If it works, the procedure can extend the length of your bones by more than "15 percent," according to Dr Xia Hetao, who performs the surgery.

Xia uses an adaptation of a method originally developed in Russia more than a century ago.

Xia breaks his patient's legs, then attaches metal pins to the separated bones, which are held in place by metal frames around the patient's legs.

The patient then has to twist a knob daily to drag the ends of broken bone apart gradually, encouraging new bone to grow to bridge the gap as the fracture heals, resulting in longer bones, and a taller person, according to the report.

He insists that his procedure has a high rate of success. However, Xia said that there are other operators in China who botch the job.

I wonder how those consultations go:

Doctor: "Let's see, we're going to break your legs, and then as they're healing we're going to have you pull the broken sections apart."

Patient: "Yeah, I want to get me some of that - sign me up!" (it probably sounds more dignified in Chinese).

I think it's safe to say this fad won't be coming to the United States.