You Do That Four More Times and I'm Going to Speak Sternly To You

More and more the news is beginning to read like a Scrappleface parody. How about this little gem from a school in jolly old England:

A secondary school is to allow pupils to swear at teachers - as long as they don't do so more than five times in a lesson. A running tally of how many times the f-word has been used will be kept on the board. If a class goes over the limit, they will be 'spoken' to at the end of the lesson.

The astonishing policy, which the school says will improve the behaviour of pupils, was condemned by parents' groups and MPs yesterday. They warned it would backfire.

Parents were advised of the plan, which comes into effect when term starts next week, in a letter from the Weavers School in Wellingborough, Northamptonshire.

Assistant headmaster Richard White said the policy was aimed at 15 and 16-year-olds in two classes which are considered troublesome.

'Tolerate but not condone'

"Within each lesson the teacher will initially tolerate (although not condone) the use of the f-word (or derivatives) five times and these will be tallied on the board so all students can see the running score," he wrote in the letter

"Over this number the class will be spoken to by the teacher at the end of the lesson."

Parents called the rule 'wholly irresponsible and ludicrous'.

"This appears to be a misguided attempt to speak to kids on their own level," said the father of one pupil.

I don't even know where to start. Once more well intentioned but completely stupid school officials have decided to scrap absolutes in favor of wishy-washy standards that invite violations. Instead of requiring students to conform to the norms of polite society, they've decided to dumb down what is considered appropriate in the classroom.

I fully expect to see this policy enacted in California schools, along with their ebonics instruction. Oh, and you won't be surprised to read this:

The 1,130-pupil school, which was criticized as 'not effective' by Ofsted inspectors last November, also plans to send 'praise postcards' to the parents of children who do not swear and who turn up on time for lessons.

Headmaster Alan Large said he had received no complaints about the policy. "The reality is that the fword is part of these young adults' everyday language," he said.

Headmaster Large - I spit in your general direction.