Throw Monkey From the Train

If you think mass transit is a mess in the U.S., how'd you like to have to deal with this:

In an effort to keep monkeys out of the New Delhi subways, authorities have called in one of the few animals known to scare the creatures — a fierce-looking primate called the langur, the Hindustan Times newspaper reported Wednesday.

The decision to hire a langurwallah — a man who trains and controls the langurs — came after a monkey got into a metro car in June, the newspaper reported.

The langur handler is being paid a retainer of India rupees 6,900 ($160) a month, and "he will be called whenever there is a monkey problem," Anuj Dayal, the spokesman for the Delhi Metro Rail Corp., was quoted as saying.

Maybe if we could just hire wino handlers we could get our subway under control.