Gorillas Need Education

Gorillas are dying an alarming rate:

An outbreak of Ebola virus in northwestern Republic of Congo has killed 5,000 gorillas, helping to push the threatened species even closer to extinction, a study says.

The estimate is made by a team of scientists in Europe and central western AFrica, who say there was a "massive die-off" of gorillas in Congo's Lossi Sanctuary park from 2002 to 2004.

The great apes which died were western gorillas (Gorilla gorilla), one of two gorillas species.

The other species is the eastern gorilla (Gorilla beringei).

"The Lossi outbreak killed about as many gorillas as survive in the entire eastern gorillas species," laments the paper, carried in Friday's issue of the US journal Science.

But the death toll is probably only a "small fraction" of gorillas likely to have been killed by Ebola in the past decade, it says.

There's clearly only one answer to stop the transmission of these terrible diseases, as any good liberal will tell you: Gorilla condoms. Yes, the gorillas need a dose of good old liberal sex education.

Our public schools are full of sex-ed teachers who have taught our kids the fine art of latex manipulation by putting condoms on bananas. Who better to go out in the jungle and show the great apes how its done. With any luck we'll solve two problems at once: The gorillas will live longer, and we'll get rid of a bunch of public school sex-ed teachers. Everybody wins.