How to Fix the Polar Bear Problem

We were told this week that polar bears should be added to the "threatened" species list because parts of their environment are melting:

WASHINGTON (AP) - Polar bears are in jeopardy and need stronger government protection because of melting Arctic sea ice related to global warming, the Bush administration said Wednesday.

Pollution and overhunting also threaten their existence. Greenland and Norway have the most polar bears, while a quarter of them live mainly in Alaska and travel to Canada and Russia.

Interior Secretary Dirk Kempthorne on Wednesday proposed listing polar bears as a "threatened" species on the government list of imperiled species. The "endangered" category is reserved for species more likely to become extinct.

"Polar bears are one of nature's ultimate survivors, able to live and thrive in one of the world's harshest environments," Kempthorne said. "But we are concerned the polar bear's habitat may literally be melting."

Of course, the environmental activists have already made the leap of faith from "there is global warming going on" to "it's caused by man and therefore man can stop it". Rather than cut our efforts to extract oil and other resources from the Arctic region where the bears live and further subjugate ourselves to the Arabs, there is a simpler solution.

On Christmas night we went to the movies, and during the advertising that preceeds the film we saw a Coca-Cola ad that could cure the polar bear problem. In the ad a family of polar bears come upon a huge party being conducted by a flock of penguins. The fact that polar bears and penguins are in fact separated BY THE ENTIRE EARTH is lost on the ad writers who would rather have us think that polar bears and penguins would get along famously and party and drink Coke together. I'm sure there were those in the audience that thought such an event was possible.

The answer to the polar bear problem: Ship a bunch of the bears to Antarctica. There's plenty of ice and millions of penguins and the bears will eat them like popcorn. It may mess up future Coke advertising, but we'll make sure that there will always be polar bears and we won't have those pesky bears interfering with our oil wells.