Today's Quick Headlines

Some quick hits on today's headlines:

Happy Mother's Day: Woman Pregnant With 18th Child
Has she figured out what's causing that yet?

Teen Gets MRSA From Lip Piercing, Almost Dies
God gave everybody just the right amount of holes. Adding new ones is risky.

Man Uses Steak Knife for at-Home Tracheotomy
He was probably just trying out Obama's health care plan.

Blind Ambition: Iowa Man, 78, Can't See — Bowls 300
Barack Obama, 46, can see - Bowls 37.

Sinkhole Swallows a Chunk of Texas
Sinkhole reports severe indigestion.

Massive Texas Sinkhole's Appetite Decreasing
Yours would too if you just swallowed a chunk of Texas.

Pythons Bite Out of Boxes at Post Office, Cause Panic
I imagine so.

Coven of Witches Casting Spells Against U.S. Marines
They haven't got anything the Marines can't handle.