Emails From the Great Beyond

Oh brother:

A new Web site is offering a miraculous service — e-mails sent to loved ones left behind on Earth after you've been swept up to heaven in the Rapture.

YouveBeenLeftBehind.com promises to alert up to 62 people exactly six days after the event that, according to the Bible, signals the beginning of Armageddon, Wired magazine's Threat Level reports.

"You've Been Left Behind gives you one last opportunity to reach your lost family and friends for Christ," the site promoting the service says.

Final e-mails from vanished subscribers will be triggered when three of the site's five Christian staffers fail to log in for six days in a row.

You could also use the service to send a "Nyah, nyah, nyah!" message to people you hated. I could see the upside to that. That might be worth $40 a year. In fact, I bet they'd get more business if they marketed it that way.

This sort of reminds me of some scenes from a Seinfeld episode in which Elaine finds out her boyfriend Puddy is religious:

Elaine and Puddy are at Puddy's apartment.

Elaine: So where do you wanna eat?

Puddy: Feels like an Arby's night.

Elaine: Arby's. Beef and cheese and do you believe in god?

Puddy: Yes.

Elaine: Oh. So, you're pretty religious?

Puddy: That's right.

Elaine: So is it a problem that I'm not really religious?

Puddy: Not for me.

Elaine: Why not?

Puddy: I'm not the one going to hell.


New scene.
Elaine's hallway. The door opens, Puddy steps out in his bathrobe. There's a
newspaper in front of the door across from Elaine's.

Puddy: Elaine, they forgot to deliver your paper today. Why don't you just
grab that one.

Elaine: 'Cause that belongs to Mr. Potato Guy, that's his.

Puddy: C'mon, get it.

Elaine: Well if you want it, you get it.

Puddy: Sorry, thou shalt not steal.

Elaine: Oh, but it's ok for me?

Puddy: What do you care, you know where you're going.

Elaine: Alright, that is it! I can't live like this.

Puddy: Nah.

Elaine: C'mon.

Puddy: Alright, what did I do?

Elaine: David, I'm going to hell! The worst place in the world! With devils
and those caves and the ragged clothing! And the heat! My god, the heat! I
mean, what do you think about all that?

Puddy: Gonna be rough.

Elaine: Uh, you should be trying to save me!

Puddy: Don't boss me! This is why you're going to hell.

Elaine: I am not going to hell and if you think I'm going to hell, you should
care that I'm going to hell even though I am not.

Puddy: You stole my Jesus fish, didn't you?

Elaine: Yeah, that's right!

Elaine places her hands beside her head, index fingers raised as 'horns' and she
emits a gutteral growling sound.


New scene.
Elaine and Puddy have gone to see a priest, Father Curtis.

Father Curtis: Let me see if I understand this. You're concerned that he isn't
concerned that you're going to hell. And you feel that she's too bossy.

Elaine and Puddy: Yeah, that's right.

Father Curtis: Well, oftentimes in cases of inter-faith marriages, couples have
difficulty--

Elaine (Interrupting): Woah, woah, woah! No one's getting married here.

Father Curtis: You aren't?

Puddy: No.

Elaine: We're just, you know, having a good time.

Father Curtis: Oh, well then it's simple. You're both going to hell.

Puddy: No way, this is bogus, man!

Elaine: Well, thank you father.

Father Curtis: Oh, did you hear the one about the new guy in hell who's talkng
to the devil by the coffee machine?

Puddy: I'm really not in the mood, I'm going to hell.

Elaine: Oh, lighten up. It'll only feel like an eternity.

Elaine makes the same 'fingers up' devil gesture as she did in her apartment and
Father Curtis joins in.

A classic. I saw it again the other day and even though I know the punchlines I still laughed out loud.