Today's Quick Headlines

Some quick hits on the headlines in the news:

China apologizes for roughing up journalists on eve of Games...
So solly!

China to shoot dust into threatening clouds for opening ceremony...
Like they need any more crap in the air.

Hot spot in Southern California reaches 800 degrees...
Darned global warming.

UPDATE: Freeman in 'good spirits' after car crash surgery...
You ought to see how happy he is when he's not wrecking his car.

More UCLA staff saw celebs' health records...
Illegal Drugs...check. Venereal Disease...check. History of Plastic Surgery....check. Abortions....

Driving 80 mph while texting, in the wrong lane...
A suicide looking for a place to happen.

Cops: Man Shot Dead Over Cheeseburger
At least it was something important.

Panel Urges End to Prostate Screenings for Men Over 75
What, you want to live forever?

British schools to pound home awareness of obesity
"Now class, would you say that Lucille here is merely fat or should we call her obese?"

Nebraska State Senator sues God
God should just tie him up in court for eternity. That could be worse than hell.