What Liberals Really Believe

Slate Magazine does us the favor of listing a great many liberal beliefs and statements they'd like to be able to make once Obama is elected president:

During the past 25 years, there have been countless sentiments that respectable Democratic politicians were never, ever supposed to say out loud for fear of angering the all-powerful Republicans. It still isn't wise for Obama to say them, but maybe the New Complacency will loosen other tongues within the political mainstream. Even if it doesn't, it's fun to think about what those utterances might be. What follows is a list, compiled with help from my fellow Slate staffers. The views expressed don't necessarily reflect those of the contributors—one of whom is a conservative Republican—or even me. But they sure are a refreshing change from what we've been hearing since 1981. With a little luck, they may soon be orthodoxies.

I think Karl Marx had some valuable insights into capitalist economies!

I think abortion should be safe and legal. Rare is fine, too, but the way to achieve that is contraception, baby!

I think Mormons are kooks!

The Second Amendment does too allow government to ban handguns!

Let's standardize the federal age of consent at 16!

Promiscuity between consenting adults is good exercise! ...

Health care is a service, not a business!

Pot is no more dangerous than vodka. Legalize it!

I don't support the troops. I support some troops, depending on whether or not they've committed war crimes!

No more wars without United Nations or at least NATO support!

Saving the boulder darter was worth a few thousand jobs!

If Eastern Europeans think NATO will go to war to defend them against Russia, they're out of their minds!

Ditto if Taiwan thinks the United States will go to war to defend it against China!

Let's teach evolution in Sunday school!

The military-industrial complex is a greater menace than most foreign nations!

If Israel isn't out of the occupied territories in six months, we'll cut off all aid.

Higher gas prices are good because they make everybody bike and take public transit like they should!

America isn't the greatest nation in the world. We think it is only because it's our country. Duh!

America won't be the world's most powerful nation forever. And you know what? Handing that responsibility off will be a relief!

America's official languages should be English and Spanish!

Judges should legislate from the bench if they want to. Conservatives do it, so why not liberals?

I do not accept Jesus Christ as my personal savior! I don't even believe in God!

What's so great about the Judeo-Christian tradition?

Big-city values are better than small-town values!

I'm glad the Muslims whupped the Christians during the Crusades! Served 'em right!...

We need a shorter work week!

Employees who work more than 40 hours a week should always get overtime.

We're going to need affirmative action for a long time.

We're undertaxed. Look at Europe!

Terrorism isn't that big a threat to America!

I'm not a "progressive," for Pete's sake. I'm a liberal!

I'm not a "liberal," for Pete's sake. I'm a leftist!

I'm not a "leftist," for Pete's sake. I'm a democratic socialist!

I'm not a democratic socialist, for Pete's sake. I'm a Communist! Just kidding!

Let's bring back the era of big government.

Walter Mondale would have made an excellent president!

You may think they're kidding about some of those, but they're not.