Today's Quick Headlines

Some quick hits on today's headlines:

Study says HIV 'could be eliminated in a decade'...
Yeah, if certain people can keep it zipped.

Official: Obama asks Gates to stay at Pentagon...
Change.

CHAVEZ WELCOMES RUSSIAN WARSHIPS
See item above. It might be nice to have someone at Defense who knows what they're doing.

RUSSIAN ANALYST PREDICTS DECLINE AND BREAKUP OF USA...
Nikita Krushchev, November 18, 1956

FDIC adds 54 more banks to its 'problem list'...
It would be easier to create a "not a problem list".

PAPER: For economy's sake, Pelosi needs to push for impeachment now...
Geez.

Sunk 'Mother Ship' May Not Have Had Pirates on Board
Yo Ho, Oh No!

Thanksgiving in Space: Not Grandma's Home Cooking
Turkeys in Spaaaaaaaaaaaaace!

Judge Rules Against Florida Gay Adoption Ban
Does Florida want to adopt gays?

British Testimony: Lap Dances 'Not Sexually Stimulating'
Very little in Britain is sexually stimulating.

Doctor Admits Suicide Pact With Wife, Gets Manslaughter
He clearly did not keep his end of the bargain.

Accused drunk driver ends up running over himself
The gods are smiling.

Rejected absentee votes the focus in Minn. recount
That election is going to be decided by people who are too stupid to mark an absentee ballot correctly.

Retail Downturn Rains on Macy's Parade
The UnderDog and Woody Woodpecker balloons are being laid off.

Ospel Will Give Back UBS Pay
Doesn't that sound like it was written in pig latin?