Today's Quick Headlines

Some quick hits on today's headlines:

FECES THROWING MONKEY ON LOOSE IN TAMPA...
Easily the most exciting thing to happen in Tampa since...well, ever.

BLACK ANGUS Steakhouse Files for Bankruptcy as Diners Stay Home...
I never cared for Black Angus. I started staying away from them years ago.

CHICAGO COLDEST IN DECADE
Well, when the Messiah moves out of your town that's gonna happen.

McCain may be Obama's secret weapon...
He always was.

Police: New Jersey Man Posed as Female Veterinarian
Is he going to have himself fixed?

Israel Strike Hits U.N. Complex in Gaza Strip
I guarantee you it wasn't an accident.

Dem chairman to introduce military draft measure...
Charlie Rangel should have been run out of Congress a long time ago. This measure is dead on arrival.

Waxman promises quick action on climate...
He better hurry because if it gets any colder no one will believe his global warming hysteria anymore.