Today's Quick Headlines

Some quick hits on today's headlines:

Scientists Find First Animal That Had Sex
Boy, that sucker must be really old.

Chimp Cremated; Victim's Family May Sue
I love the smell of burning monkey in the morning.

Woman Infected With Herpes Awarded Nearly $7M
Almost makes it worth getting sick.

Octomom Gets $1 Million Porn Offer
Who wants to see a woman naked who just had eight kids?

24 Drinking Arrests at Home of MADD Volunteer
I'll bet he's really mad now.

Tiger Woods returns and wins match at Match Play
The first of many.

First Lady of San Francisco Stars in Racy Flesh Fest
She's just showing off her political figure.

'Honk if you will pay my mortgage'
Actual bumpersticker being offered by WND.

Netanyahu Set to Fight Israel's Recession With Repeat Dose of Tax-Cutting...
Can we make Bibi our Prime Minister?

PANETTA: 'THERE'S NO QUESTION' THERE'S STILL WAR ON TERROR...
Really? The new Homeland Security Secretary can't even say the words.