Democrats Need Better Joke Writers

Democrats are the most humorless bunch, and whoever writes their "jokes" for them needs to be fired. On my worst day I can outwrite those guys when it come to biting responses. Here's one example:

Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) had a few choice words about House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's (D-Calif.) landmark climate-change bill after its passage Friday.

When asked why he read portions of the cap-and-trade bill on the floor Friday night, Boehner told The Hill, "Hey, people deserve to know what's in this pile of s--t."

Using his privilege as leader to speak for an unlimited time on the House floor, Boehner spent an hour reading from the 1200-plus page bill that was amended 20 hours before the lower chamber voted 219-212 to approve it.

Eight Republicans voted with Democrats to pass the bill; 44 House Democrats voted against it.

Pelosi's office declined to comment on Boehner's jab. But one Democratic aide quipped, "What do you expect from a guy who thinks global warming is caused by cow manure?"

That's the best response to Boehner they can come up with? Pathetic. Besides that, Republicans don't believe global warming is even occurring. Get it right, Dems.

Of course, it's hard to respond to the truth, and what Boehner said is right on the money.

Let's look at another example from John F'ing Kerry, the 2004 Dem presidential loser. Five years later and the good news is: He's still a loser.

During the height of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford's mysterious disappearance Kerry tried to make a funny:

“Too bad if a governor had to go missing it couldn’t have been the governor of Alaska. You know, Sarah Palin.”

When you have to explain your jokes, you've failed.

However, Sarah Palin is not humor-impaired as is Kerry. Here was her response:

Former GOP vice-presidential candidate Palin, in Kosovo visiting troops, said yesterday she wanted to reach out to the Bay State Democratic senator.

“He looked quite frustrated and he looked so sad,” she told the troops in comments later posted on YouTube. “I just wanted to reach out to the TV and say: ‘John Kerry, why the long face?’ ”

Nicely done, and given with just the right amount of snark.

However, it didn't end there. Kerry's lackey felt a response was necessary, and it was as lame as the first attempt:

"We stand corrected, the truth is every Democrat hopes Governor Palin is in the public eye for a long, long time, especially on the 2012 presidential ballot," Kerry spokeswoman Jodi Seth says. "Lately it's been Vice President Cheney that everyone hopes would lose the cameras and go for a long leisurely hike on the Appalachian Trail. And good grief, if anyone thinks John Kerry is afraid of strong, smart women, they sure haven't met his brilliant wife and two independent daughters. It sounds like getting crushed these last two election cycles cost some of these Republicans their sense of humor."

Kerry was obviously stung by Palin's remark to come back with such a pained response. It isn't the Republicans lacking a sense of humor. Our jokes are actually funny. They're not cries of pain as we see from the Democrats.