Today's Quick Headlines

Some quick hits on today's headlines:

Monkey urinates on Zambian president...
Today's special in the palace cafeteria: Fried Monkey

SWINE FLU HITS WASHINGTON POST NEWSROOM; THREE STAFFERS TOLD TO STAY HOME...
They have enough trouble breathing with their heads up Obama's... well, you know.

PAPER: 'Living more hours naked each day' has 'positive effect' on global warming...
Just the glare off of my lily white bod would reflect enough heat back into the atmosphere to cool the planet several degrees.

Program Pays Girls $1 Day -- Not To Get Pregnant...
Virtue is not worth what it used to be.

500 Lose Jobs with new Tax on Cigars; Tampa plant closes...
But it's for the children!

$100,000 tax money to breed Wyoming Toads...
At least the toads are getting some stimulus.

Escalating Violence Drains Chicago Blood Supply...
Can't they just scrape some up off the sidewalk?

Cops Say Pa. Man Blared Porn to Keep Kids Away
It kept them away? I would think it would have had the opposite effect.

San Fran DA Defends Program That Trained Illegals
Can they train them to go back to Mexico?