I've decided to follow Republicans in several other states and announce my candidacy for the House of Representatives in one of California's phantom congressional districts. These are the districts which, according to the official Recovery.gov website, received stimulus funds even though such districts don't actually exist.
In perusing the phantom districts of California I've decided to choose the 64th District which received $1,350,000 in stimulus funds. That should be enough for me to live on comfortably for quite awhile. When you add in the congressional salary plus office and travel expenses it's a pretty sweet gig. And the best part of it is - you don't have to deal with actual constituents.
Is this a great country or what?
Since no such 64th congressional district has ever been actually drawn, I'm going to draw it myself. None of those squiggly gerrymandered districts that look like a refugee from a Rorshach test for me - mine's going to be a nice clean square, just like they all should be:
Now, how can I have no constituents when I just drew a line around hundreds of thousands of them? That's the secret of CA-64 - all those people already have a congressman so they won't be bothering me. They'll never know I'm here.Your campaign donations cheerfully accepted.
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3 comments:
...and when will the opponent debate be scheduled? LOL Maybe you could borrow those Hollyweird columns the jerk used.
WOW! Well... I think those positions are RESERVED for Obama's friends and political supporters. You are one big hippie wierdo if you think people should be like, voting and all that for these seats.
Well, heck Rick. I'm in Maryland, but I understand that might not be a problem. So, bud, you've got my vote -- early and often!!
Nice to hear you don't have to deal with those icky constituents, too. I hear those Town Halls can get a bit rowdy!
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