Earth Day Done Right

For all you need to know about Earth Day and liberal guilt, the Daily Caller is here to help:

As you know if you’re not a science-denying carbonhugger, the human race is the worst thing to happen in the history of the planet. But it doesn’t have to be that way! Thanks to Earth Day, we can all do our part to make up for the crime of being alive. And thanks to the Daily Caller, you can get all your Earth Day news in one easy-to-use package that you won’t need to recycle.

Start off with our look at carbon offset programs. What are they? How do they work? Do they work? Where the heck does your money go? Most importantly: If you participate in one of these programs to make yourself feel less guilty about living in the most prosperous society in the history of the world, and you haven’t asked yourself any of these questions, would you like to buy a bridge in Brooklyn?

And as long as you’re throwing your money around like a big dope, why not participate in the Daily Caller’s very own Offset-Offset Program? For every “carbon offset” one of your smug friends buys, we’ll tell you we’re doing something to counteract it:

He sends a guilt check to a tree farm in Tabatinga? We idle the Hummer in the driveway overnight…

That’s the beauty of The Daily Caller Carbon Offset-Offset Program: There’s no fuss or hassle. We take care of the carbon emissions in a controlled environment, at no risk to you. Our trained pollution engineers neutralize the effects of your neighbors’ guilt while you remain in the comfort of your highly air-conditioned home, knowing you’ve done your part. And you can rest easy knowing that part of your purchase will go toward high-quality investigative reporting that will continue to expose fraud in the environmental movement. Act now and receive a handsome certificate suitable for framing that confirms your participation in this important project.

We get your money, and you get to not ask us too many questions. Just like carbon-offsetting! And every bit as good for the planet.

There's more at the link.