Oscar Predictions

See how many come true:

• The show will generally be boring unless Charlie Sheen is a presenter or Anne Hathaway has a wardrobe malfunction.
• The show will run long because everything thinks their award is the most important of the night.
• Little tin men will be given to big tin men, both of whom would be happier if they only had a brain.
• Several women will prove that the only reason anyone pays attention to them is because of their boobs.
• Expect multiple shout-outs to the protesters in Wisconsin.
• Expect no shout-outs to the protesters in Libya.
• You'd probably have to go to Legoland to see more plastic than you'll see tonight.
• The hosts and presenters will awkwardly deliver poorly written jokes which are likely to include cracks at the Tea Party, John Boehner, Sarah Palin, Gov. Scott Walker and the Koch Brothers.
• Everyone will be quickly reminded just how good Billy Crystal was at hosting this mess.
• My mute button will get a real workout (my wife wants to watch the show and I agreed only if I can mute the acceptance speeches).
• The King's Speech will win Best Picture (I'm serious about that one, it was a great movie).
• None of these awards will change my life nor make the world better in any way, but the media will treat them as though they have lasting significance.  In America, celebrity is often confused with significance.