Assault With a Deadly Juice Bottle

The ever vigilant TSA is on the case:

At a Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport security checkpoint, the Tsa confiscates juice box and baby food due to the items allegedly testing positive for trace amounts of explosive materials.

I had my own run-in with the Dallas Fort-Worth TSA back in 2003, a story I mentioned in a post a couple of years ago:

I was in Dallas for some quartet work and on a Sunday afternoon was headed back to Orange County. I was carrying my quartet briefcase with me, and as I went through the checkpoint they asked if they could run my briefcase through their explosives screener. The guy wiped the case with a special cloth and put that cloth in the machine. The thing lit up like Christmas and suddenly I was the center of attention.

Now I knew something they didn't know. I knew there was nothing dangerous in that case, but the way they acted you'd have thought I had a bomb in there.

I spent about 25 minutes or so being interviewed by the supervisor while they searched my case. As I was sitting there, mildly amused by the whole thing, it hit me what had probably happened.

That morning I had gone to church with my friends and had walked across some grass that had been recently fertilized (I could smell it as I walked through). I later changed shoes, handling the dress shoes that must have had fertilizer residue on them. Fertilizer is made largely out of nitrogen, and that's one of the ingredients the bomb sniffing machines are looking for.

I probably transferred that residue to the briefcase, and there you go - alarm city.

They let me go.

Back in the pre-TSA days and right after 9/11 I was on another quartet trip and while sitting in Dallas waiting for a connecting flight, the four of us struck up a conversation with a college girl who was complaining about the treatment she had gotten from the security people during several flights she'd taken that day. At that time security was required to randomly pull people out of line and search them and their carry-ons. This poor girl had been searched four times.

As we lined up to get on our flight I told the guys to get in line right behind that girl. My theory was that because she was attractive the security guy would naturally grab her for screening and while they're dealing with her we'll be able to walk right on the plane without problems.

And that's exactly what happened. I guess the only way these security guys could talk to a pretty girl was to pull her out of line and put her through a search. Thanks to her a bunch of old guys like us weren't bothered at all.

I would guess the baby food incident above was caused by something similar to what happened to me. Moral of the story - wash your hands before you go through security.