Florida Flashback

John Fund of the Wall Street Journal has a great column which warns us that 2004 could be a repeat of the Florida fiasco of 2000. The candidate with the most lawyers wins. Could be ugly.

If you want to refresh your memory about the Florida recount, there's no better source than Bill Sammon's book "At Any Cost, How Al Gore Tried to Steal The Election". I've read it several times and just sit and shake my head at all the shenanigans that took place during those 35 days in 2000. Every day was a roller coaster of emotions as the legal battle ebbed and flowed.

On December 8th as the battle was winding down to it's inevitable conclusion, I performed for a Christmas show and recited the following poem which had been written in the same format as "Twas the Night Before Christmas". I wish I had written it myself.

'Twas three weeks after Election Day and all through the land,
All the votes had been counted, some recounted by hand,
They counted and counted, recounted some more,
But Bush/Cheney was ahead, and not Leiberman/Gore.

The Florida democrats had caused quite a stir,
When their candidate of choice had lost it, for sure.
They wouldn't admit to their narrow defeat,
So they demanded a hand count or the election repeat!

"It's not fair, it's a lie, it can't be!" They all shouted,
And they whined and they fussed and they cried and they pouted,
"The ballots were confusing, we punched the wrong chad!"
But the rest of the country knew they were just mad.

They were made to look stupid, all the fuss that they made,
When a child could have done it without any aid.
The ballot was simple, there is no excuse,
Could the voters have had just a screw or two loose?

And just when we thought all the media was through,
Who should appear but ol' "you know who,"
A man with no eyebrows, as stiff as a tree,
(Some even believe that's what he might be)!

With a voice loud as thunder, he called to us all,
"You ain't seen nothing yet! I won't take the fall!
I'll fight till the death, I will not give in!
We'll recount every ballot until I DO win!"

Then, to his advisors he turned without shame,
He whistled and shouted and called them by name,
Now, Wexler! Now, Daley! Now Dershowitz, go!
"On Warren, On Jessie! Let's give quite a show!"

And throughout it all, they continued to say,
"It's the Will of the People! They must have their way."
So the electoral votes all hung in the breeze,
Who would have thought they'd get caught in palm trees?

It's time to fix up all the messes they've made,
Their corruption their lies, the tax dollars we've paid.
Perhaps now our country will lean more to "The Right,"
Happy Election to all, and to all a good night!