Jay Leno's Take on the Election

Here's a collection of Jay Leno's jokes from last night's show (courtesy of Newsmax):

Wow. What a crowd! You sound like Hillary Clinton when she heard John Kerry had lost.

Before we go any further, I want to say to our viewers in Florida: Now, was that so hard?

This hasn’t been a good 24 hours for you if you’re a gay John Kerry supporter who planned to get married this weekend.

It looks like the people have given Bush and Cheney four more years. The bad news: Cheney’s doctors only gave him three more years.

Did you see Cheney on the news? He was so happy he was yelling out his hotel window, "I’ve got a lesbian daughter!"

So, I guess we have four more years to find Osama bin Laden. No hurry now. Take your time.

So much for the debates, huh? Bush is going, "I prepared too much."

John Kerry would’ve conceded earlier today, but he had to meet with the French, Germans and Russians first. Get their feelings on the whole situation.

It was a very good concession speech. John Kerry said he’d like to wrap us up in his arms and give us each a big hug. Great. NOW he starts campaigning like Bill Clinton ... maybe if he’d done that in the beginning ...

Kerry didn’t take it too good this morning. I understand he was so upset last night he tossed and turned all night in his tanning bed.

You got to feel a little sorry for Kerry. Not only did he lose the presidency, but he was really looking forward to having Teresa Heinz move into one of his houses for a change.

Teresa was so upset about the results that I heard she raised the price of ketchup to $50 a barrel.

Let me tell you something. President Bush was sweating this one too, because he knew if Kerry had been elected president, he'd probably order Bush to go to Iraq to make up the rest of his National Guard service.

You know who these campaigns are really the toughest on? The campaign staffs. For the Kerry staff, the biggest problem is fighting uncertainty. For the Bush staff, it’s fighting doubt. And for the Ralph Nader staff, it’s fighting loneliness.

God bless him, Ralph Nader has still not conceded. There are still some absentee ballots coming in from Jupiter and Mars. It takes three light years to get here.