Judith of Nazareth

Just when you think things couldn't get any sillier (h/t Best of the Web Today):

A new edition of the Gospels of the Bible for the first time shows Christ as a woman, named Judith Christ of Nazareth, and God as female. In all other respects, the classic texts of the Gospels remain unchanged (huh?-HolyCoast).

The publisher, LBI Institute, has released this new Bible entitled: "Judith Christ of Nazareth, The Gospels of the Bible, Corrected to Reflect that Christ Was a Woman, Extracted from Matthew, Mark, Luke and John." The book is available in bookstores and online.

"This long-awaited revised text of the Gospels makes the moral message of Christ more accessible to many, and more illuminating to all," says Billie Shakespeare, V.P. for the publisher. "It is empowering. We published this new Bible to acknowledge the rise of women in society."

This new Bible includes: The Parable of the Prodigal Daughter, The Lady's Prayer, and other revised favorite passages, such as:


* Her birth -- Luke 2:4 And Joseph went to Bethlehem. 5 To be enrolled
with Mary, his wife, who was then pregnant. 7 And she brought forth
her firstborn child. 21 And her name was chosen to be Judith.

* Her crucifixion -- John 19:17 And She bearing her cross went forth. 18
There they crucified Judith.

* Her resurrection -- Matthew 28:1 Mary Magdalene and the other Mary
came to see the tomb. 5 But the angel said to the women, "Do not be
afraid, for I know that you seek Judith who was crucified." 6 "She is
not here; for She is risen."

Maybe the revised miracles will include getting nasty wine stains out of wool robes. I know it sounds like a hoax, especially with a Vice President named Billie Shakespeare, but there is an actual item on Amazon.