Sandy Pants

Mark Steyn wrote an ode to Sandy Berger's theft of National Archive documents that just can't be missed. Sung to the tune of "The Candy Man" (think Sammy Davis Jr.) (h/t Powerline):

THE SANDY PANTS
(from the film Slick Willie Wonka And The Shop-Lift Factory)

Hey, everybody! Gather round, the Sandy Pants is here! What kind of archival material do you want? Classified documents? Confidential minutes? Intelligence briefings? Cables? You’ve come to the right place, because I’m the Sandy Pants!

(Ooooooo!)

Who can take the memo
Stuff it in his sock
Take it out the building
And then walk it up the block
The Sandy Pants (The Sandy Pants)
Oh, the Sandy Pants can (The Sandy Pants can)
The Sandy Pants can ‘cause he fixes it for Bill
And makes his boss look good (Makes his boss look good)

Who can take the secrets
Out the door at night
Slide them under trailers
On a dark construction site
The Sandy Pants (The Sandy Pants)
Oh, the Sandy Pants can (The Sandy Pants can)
The Sandy Pants can ‘cause he fixes it for Bill
And makes his boss look good (Makes his boss look good)

The Sandy Pants takes
Lots of bathroom breaks
But his status simply wows us
Suspicion Sandy ne’er arouses
Waddling out with lumpy trousers
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Who can hose the archives
Shrug off all the flak
Get the kid-glove treatment
And then get his clearance back
The Sandy Pants (The Sandy Pants)
Oh, the Sandy Pants can (The Sandy Pants can)

The Sandy Pants can ‘cause he fixes it for Bill
And makes his boss look good (Makes his boss look good)

[Instrumental break, and Sandy’s bathroom break]

The Sandy Pants packs
Secrets in his slacks
In his garter he will truss it
The media folks, they won’t discuss it
He will even stuff his gusset
Whoa, whoa, whoa

Who can swipe the records
From the archivists
So it looks like Clinton
Wasn’t soft on terrorists
The Sandy Pants (The Sandy Pants)
Oh, the Sandy Pants can (The Sandy Pants can)
The Sandy Pants can ‘cause he fixes it for Bill
And makes his boss look good (Makes his boss look good)
Yes, the Sandy Pants can ‘cause he fixes it for Bill
And makes his boss look good

[Groovy fade-out]

The Sandy Pants, the Sandy Pants, the Sandy Pants
Go take a chance in Sandy Pants, go take a chance
Don’t look askance – it’s hard to dance in Sandy Pants
The Sandy Pants, Memorandy Pants, the Sandy Pants...