He Writes the Songs (But He's Afraid of a Conservative)

Singer Barry Manilow sings in front of millions, but he's afraid to take the stage with a conservative woman:

TMZ has learned that legendary singer Barry Manilow has pulled out of his scheduled appearance on "The View" tomorrow -- because he strongly disagrees with host Elisabeth Hasselbeck's conservative view! Paging Rosie O'Donnell!

In an exclusive statement to TMZ, Barry says, "I strongly disagree with her views. I think she's dangerous and offensive. I will not be on the same stage as her." Barry, taking a stand!

Manilow is currently on a press tour promoting the release of his new album, "Greatest Songs of the Seventies."

It's only fitting that this story came today. Yesterday while watching the news I saw a story of a judge who is using a creative sentence for those caught violating noise ordinances, such as playing rap music on their car stereos too loudly. He gathers the offenders in one room and makes them listen to music for one solid hour without interruptions. The artist? You guess it, Barry Manilow.

UPDATE: Mark Steyn adds this:

His name was Barry
He was a showboy
But that was thirty years ago
When he used to do the show
Now it's a talkshow
But not for Barry
Still in the suit he used to wear
Faded gel streaks in his hair
He won't return their call
No matter how they crawl
He lost his slot
And he lost his marbles
But he's found Ron Paul

He can't cope-a
Cope-a with Hassel
The toughest chick west of Newcastle
Not like Rosie
Rosie O'Donnell
Barry knows she'll melt
When he brings up steel melt
He can't cope-a
He lost his slot...

I tried my hand at a rewrite of Copa too, but all I could get was this:

His name was Barry
He was a fairy

I just couldn't make it work.