Use an Alkaline Battery, Go to Jail

The environwacko types have found a new cause celebre - alkaline batteries. Just look at this rant (h/t Instapundit):

Perusing the deluge of overheated press releases from the CES conference a few weeks ago, one in particular, for Panasonic’s new line of EVOLTA batteries, got me thinking. And when I say “thinking,” I mean muttering curse words and shaking my fist. The release made a big deal about the fact that these new batteries last from 1.3 to 2 times as long as other alkaline batteries—which is to say, slightly less poisonous and wasteful, but not much. Whoopdee-flipping-doo.

Now I’m going to make a sweeping pronouncement, a real doozy. Are you ready? Here goes: Disposable batteries, no matter how efficient, should be considered a controlled substance and, as such, should be sold under the same restrictions as, say, prescription drugs or guns.

So, yes, in my ideal world, a four-year-old would have an easier time scoring a pack of smokes and a bottle of Jack than you or I would have buying a four-pack of AA Duracells. Now before any of you free-market zealots and libertarians out there get your freedom-panties in a bunch, hear me out.

So, what kind of remedies does this guy recommend?

• Any business that sells batteries should be required to accept dead batteries and recycle them. At this point, that would include just about every business.

• To stimulate and fund recycling/reclamation efforts, battery manufacturers should be hit with a tax on all batteries that don’t meet standards of high efficiency and low eco-impact.

• Buying batteries should require the payment of a hefty deposit, at least a buck each, redeemable for old batteries at any business that sells them. (And to get the program rolling, old batteries should be grandfathered in. I’d be a hundredaire right off the bat!)

• All devices that can function using rechargeable batteries would have to come with a set. After all, one rechargeable is estimated to replace 300 disposables over its lifetime.

• Meaningful, hefty fines should be assessed for battery disposal—and let’s ban them from landfills outright. (Unbelievably, some municipalities and government agencies still recommend tossing alkaline batteries versus the expense of dealing with them.)

People don't like rechargables because they simply don't last as long as brand new alkalines, and given the relative cost, why bother? I'm all for recycling these things if it make sense, but I'm not for government mandates for it or fines for not doing it.

Under this guy's plan, as your batteries fade away, so will your freedom.