Today's Quick Headlines

Some quick hits on today's headlines:

Pagan Prisoners Win Right to Carry 'Magic Wands'
Which in prison are also known as 'magic shanks'.

Teen Suffers Severe Burns in 'Blowtorch Game'
Why can't they just do drugs like other teenagers?

Report: Girls' Gang Sets Deadly Home Blasts Over Boy
Why can't they just play with blowtorches like other teenagers?

Three Men Die in 'Detergent Suicide' Pact
Yes, but they finally got those pesky stains out.

Nearly Two Thousand Bare All in Stadium Art Project
I hope they don't show up on the Jumbotron.

Iowa College Student Charged in M&Ms Assault on Cop
Melts on the cop and not in your hand.

Ashlee Simpson Calls Britney Spears 'Trashy'
Pot, meet kettle.

Florida Beachgoer TICKETED FOR WEARING SPEEDO...
It's about time.